On hair regrowth

My hair has grown back enough to cover my head, so I’ve stopped wearing wigs, even to work. To be honest, I was getting tired of wearing them anyway. The one I was wearing was starting to look raggedy and it wasn’t very natural on me, plus it made my head itch.

One thing the wig was good for was keeping my head warm. December is a rough time to have next to zero hair. This winter I should invest in warm hats.

People have mostly been supportive, telling me I have a good head shape for short hair. So that’s something. There are a lot of people at work who may not even know I had cancer. Many started working there after I was already working from home during treatment. I get the feeling maybe they just think I have a new haircut.

I have, unfortunately, been mistaken for a man a couple times. The latest incidence of this was at a store after work last night. As I waited for the clerk to ring up my cat food and eggnog, he said, “How you doing, bub?”

It was kind of funny. Earlier this week, a man asking for change outside a drugstore called me sir. I gave him a dollar anyway. You just have to laugh about it.

Recent picture of my hair length.

Losing my hair was one of the most traumatic and jarring parts about cancer treatment. Sometimes I run across videos on the internet of women shaving off their hair for the hell of it, and it sends me back to that moment: me in my hairdresser’s chair wearing my mask and a “Keep up the fight” t-shirt, my mom watching from beside me. It’s not just the moment of cutting it off, it’s the dramatic change in your appearance that can be traumatic.

Earlier this week, I dreamt I had my long hair back again. I ran my fingers through the stands and knew that I was dreaming. I woke up with hot tears on my face and the realization that I was more emotionally attached to my hair than I knew.

But the good news is there are advantages to having hair this short. The biggest is that it takes me no time at all to get ready in the morning. I haven’t had to use a blowdryer since May.

And my hair is growing back more and more each day. Everyone around me says they see it getting thicker and longer each time they see me. I’ve been taking a hair, skin and nails vitamin to help it along. I can’t say for sure if it’s helping or not.

It will be awkward for a while, I’m sure. Anyone who’s every grown out their hair after it was short can tell you that. But I’m glad to have gotten to this point and excited to watch it grow.

More on the haircut

Being bald (well, close to it) takes some getting used to. I went to my hairdresser about a week ago and got it buzzed off.

Soon, I’m told, I’ll lose even the tiny hairs that make my head feel foreign when I run my fingers over it.

I’d been dreading losing my hair for obvious reasons, but my hairdresser made the haircut fun. (Shout out to Jim at Spa Bliss in Charleston).

He cut my hair first into a mullet and we took a picture before he cut the rest of it off. I expected to be crying, but we mostly laughed.

I can say I’ve had a mullet now

I almost felt guilty asking my hairdresser to cut off my hair. It felt like asking a friend to be a co-conspirator in this disease taking my hair. But I’m glad I had a professional do it.

I’m still getting used to seeing myself without hair. I’ve always had thick hair. I catch my reflection in the mirror without it now and it startles me.

But I don’t mind the shape of my head as much as I thought. When this is over, I think I could wear a pixie cut. As it is now, I look like a Buddhist monk.

I’m still looking for appropriate hats and head covers. I’ve been wearing a light pink baseball cap with the words “girls support girls.” It was a gift from my sweet co-workers. I like it but it doesn’t quiet fit my head.

Me in the hat while holding my nephew.

The headscarves I ordered from Amazon are still in a drawer in my bathroom. I’ve watched a few YouTube videos about tying them but I still don’t feel comfortable with it enough to wear it outside my apartment. Not that I leave much.

I’ve ordered a wig and a ball cap. With wigs, I can play around with colors and hairstyles. Why not?